Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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