Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
