I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
