Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize