Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
