So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize