she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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