so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
