this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
