handjob tips. give me some.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
