I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
