Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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