you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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