Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
