Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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