Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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