i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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