yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
