I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
