why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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