First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
