Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize