I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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