Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
