I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dear god my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
