i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize