Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
