my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
