what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
