Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
