Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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