No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
