Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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