I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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