My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize