I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize