Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
