Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
