Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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