i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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