just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In America we eat man semen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
