come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
