I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
