please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
