Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize