We won't sleep together?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
