Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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