we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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