I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize