we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize