he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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