i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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