dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
