am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
