so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
