Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize