My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
BRING THE BAGELS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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