How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
