My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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