Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
