ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize