Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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