I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
