Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
