I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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