He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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