im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
