I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
