i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
