oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
