I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
