all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
