She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
