what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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