Whod you bang
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
